The Secret
by fitzgerald1
Summary: A dastardly deed was done on re-election night, someone murdered the President's son. He had fought a good campaign but he was losing. Murder it works in mysterious ways. Fitzgerald Grant captured the sympathy vote and it propelled him to victory. But the price of re-election was too high, it broke the President. In place of joy lay so much heartache and pain, and the secret!
1. Chapter 1

The Secret

He wanted to carry him as he had when he was child. He wanted to cradle him to his chest and say it would be alright. But it wouldn't be alright, he knew that when he ran to him after seeing him on the floor. He wasn't breathing and he had no pulse. His eyes stared straight ahead and they had gone completely black, they were dilated. And blood, it dripped from his nose and mouth. He had briefly looked for bullet wounds. Maybe he had taken a bullet meant for him. Jerry was dead, he knew that. So where was he going? The secret service agents had tried to take him from his arms, but he would not let go. He had to get him to the ambulances that stood by for him when he traveled. Maybe by some miracle they could save him. What in the hell had happened?

Mellie had screamed for him, something was wrong with Jerry he had fallen. It was a nightmare. What could have happened to a strapping young man in a matter of minutes and kill him other than outside forces. What was happening? "You must give us your son Mr. President, please let him go." It was Tom, he was pulling at Jerry. He was attempting to pry him from his arms. His arms were getting weak, he had begun to struggle for breath, and he could not go on. He gave over and allowed Tom to take Jerry from him. "Get in the car Mr. President I will see to Jerry," Tom said.

From the car he watched Tom lay Jerry on a stretcher and from there paramedics disappeared with Jerry into the back of the ambulance. He closed his eyes and held back the tears. He would cry for Jerry later. He had to get a grip, something was not right. The door opposite opened and Mellie stepped in.

"Fitz, where is he, what happened to Jerry? He was bleeding, was he shot? Why would you run out with him like that? What in the hell were you doing," she screamed? "Karen is in shock. She refused to come with me."

"Mellie I think he is dead. I think Jerry is dead."

"What do you mean you think he is dead? Sixteen year old boys don't die. They grow up and go on dates. They go off to college. They become doctors and lawyers. They marry and have babies. They do not die. What in the hell do you mean my son is dead. Have you lost your mind Fitz?"

"Mellie stop it. They are working on Jerry in the ambulance. Tom will tell us something soon. You need to calm down. I just made an observation. He looked in very bad shape Mellie. I am not a doctor so we just have to wait." He was not a doctor but he knew death when he saw it. His son was dead. Unless the ambulance crew had revived him, which could be possible. Only the best were in the Presidential detail. They had saved his life with quick intervention and maybe they could save Jerry. Yes maybe they could.

Suddenly Tom opened the door. Sir we are about to leave with Jerry and head to the nearest trauma center. I will be with the ambulance Sir don't worry. They are doing all they can.

"Is he breathing Tom?"

"Not on his own Sir."

"Did they find any wounds on him Tom? Was he shot? What did they say?"

"I watched them strip him down Sir. There was not a mark on him anywhere. They placed a tube in his lungs to breath for him. They were doing CPR and they were giving him meds through a needle in his arm. I have nothing else definitive to tell you. Because they don't know what happened to him. Sir we need to go. I am staying with Jerry. I will see you at the hospital OK?"

"OK Tom, thank-you."

"This is ridiculous Fitz. Shouldn't Karen be with us? Suppose they want to harm both of our children. They haven't found the entry wound yet but I know he was shot. He took a bullet for you. He is going to die because someone hates…

"Mellie for the love of God will you stop it? Karen is safe in the car she is supposed to be in. You saw her yourself before you got in this car. She did not want to come with us and I did not want to force her. She is safe where she is. Stop blaming anyone. I don't know what happened and certainly you don't know. So stop all this speculation and accusation it is fruitless and meaningless right now. And I am not going to listen to it. I will ride with Karen. I mean it!"

They rode in silence to the hospital. Mellie was upset but she knew that Fitz was at his limit with her. She was at her limit too. She wanted to know what had happened to her son. She would get answers at the trauma center. She would demand them and someone had better tell her what was wrong.

They arrived at the hospital and they were ushered into a waiting area. Someone from the emergency team had come in and asked some questions on Jerry's medical history. To his shame he knew very little and Mellie knew absolutely nothing. They were horrible parents he knew that already. This incident only magnified it. They were told that it could be awhile before they knew anything. Karen was also in the room. She had been crying but she refused to say anything at all. She just sat in a chair staring straight ahead. They had been in the hospital about forty-five minutes when a young woman dressed in green scrubs and red Krocs came into the room.

"Mr. President, Mrs. Grant; I am an Dr. Meredith Olson. I am in charge of the team that worked on your son tonight. I regret to inform you that we were unable to revive your son after running the table of drugs and protocols on him for almost an hour. He came in pulseless and not breathing on his own. We never got anything at all back, no pulses, no spontaneous respirations, nothing. I am so sorry President and Mrs. Grant. His entire body was filled with a very unusual form of bacteria. It was very aggressive and it apparently started shutting down his body organs even before he arrived here.

This bacterial agent is usually only found in a laboratory Mr. President we have no idea why enough of it was inside your son's body to kill a horse. I have turned over my findings to the secret service. I was told I could share my findings with you and other than that this is a high priority case being investigated as a possible homicide. Do you have any questions for me," she asked?

He had questions but he would direct them where they needed to go. "I haven't any questions, Mellie do you have any questions?"

"No, I have no questions?"

Karen jumped up from her seat and faced both of them. "You have no fucking questions. You have no questions? Someone murdered my brother and you have no questions? Of course you don't. Jerry and I were nothing but photo ops for you two. You don't even care that he is dead. You are both fucking hypocrites and I hate your fucking guts. Doctor I have questions lots of them. My brother was fine before he stepped onto that stage. I want to know who killed my fucking brother."

Fitz spoke first. "Karen I know you are upset but this is no way to speak to another adult. You apologize this instant! I mean it Karen right this minute!"

"Karen how could you speak to us like that? And that language in front Dr. Olson is inexcusable. Apologize this instant!"

"Don't wait on it Mr. President and Madame First Lady because it ain't gonna happen. I meant every word I said. So deal with it. Dr. Olson I will apologize to you. Can you tell me when the autopsy will be completed on my brother?

"Autopsies are usually completed within two to three days Miss Grant. But his one has been expedited. He never gained consciousness. For all intent and purposes he was DOA on arrival to this facility. I have friends in the forensic lab here but I am not sure where the autopsy for you brother will be done. Because I have signed my name to this case I assure you will have an advocate. I want to know what killed you brother as much as you do.

President Grant I realize that you and your family are under a great deal of stress. These are very trying times. I am sure you have your own therapist, but if I can recommend anyone please let me know. As I said anything I can do to help you just let me know. Mrs. Grant, Miss Grant, again I am so sorry for your loss. When I left they were preparing the body for the family to view. Just let me know when you are ready." With that said Dr. Olson left the room.

Karen looked at her parents and shook her head. "You two are a piece of work. I guarantee you Jerry is dead because of you two. I know it and I will never ever forgive you for it. I want out of this room with you two. Call for my detail and send me back to the hotel. I can't stand the sight of either one of you!"

Fitz stood there defeated as Karen spoke because in his heart he knew it was true. Somehow he and this re-election were responsible for the death of Jerry. And Mellie was complicit in it because she coveted the White House more than her own children. And he trying to just get through this and hang on to Olivia was just as bad. He coveted Olivia just as much as Mellie coveted the White House. He had indeed neglected his children. They had been used as photo ops their entire lives.

They were brought out for show. Hell Mellie had only conceived them for show. She had only laid down with him to conceive them and then he was effectively cut off from her bed the moment conception was confirmed. It was shameful this farce he had participated in. He was ashamed that he had gone along with this thing in the beginning and continued it with the conception of Teddy. Olivia had told him to do it and he had done her bidding. He couldn't refuse her anything, even that.

He had known in his heart he should have refused to do it. For days he could not even form an erection with Mellie because his distaste for her was so deep. He had finally had to bring Olivia into his head to even get an erection. Thank god she conceived that one time because he could not have done it again. It was a disgusting act and he hoped to God that Teddy never came to find out about it. It would be Mellie's story to tell because he would never tell another living soul of his perfidy. It was too vile and too sorry. He harbored anger at Olivia for it too, but never enough to change his love for her.

So now he stood in a hospital waiting area where he had just been told his son was dead at the hand of some laboratory made killer bacteria. Someone had found a way to get at him through his son. Jerry was dead and Karen hated him. There was a baby back in their hotel suite with a nanny that he called momma. And he had not given the child the kind of love he should have given him. He held back from Teddy because Mellie had given birth to him instead of Olivia. He was a horrible father to all of them and Karen had every right to hate them both.

"Okay Karen please just have a seat. I will get your detail to take you back to the hotel. You have every right to be angry with us, with me. I know you won't believe me but your mother and I do love you. We loved Jerry too and we love Teddy. You children are more than photo ops to us. Don't shut us out Karen. We need to stick together through this. Jerry would want us too. We are a family."

"Dad don't pull your Fitzgerald Grant III charm out of the bag. I know what a consummate politician you are. You lie like a rug. You never loved any of us children. For the love of me I don't know why you two had kids. You hate each other's guts. So save that "we are family" bullshit for someone that believes it."

Mellie jumped up then. "Karen enough with that potty mouth of yours. You have no idea what you are talking about. Your father and I love all of you. We have sacrificed so you kids could have the best of everything. His becoming President was for the entire family's benefit."

"Mom you are so pathetic flitting around like you are so important because you are the First Lady. It is all you live for the prestige of it all. You will do anything to stay in the White House for another four years. And that includes staying with a man that can't stand the sight of you. Dad despises you Mom; you think we didn't know that? He loves Olivia Pope."

"Young lady that is enough! You do not talk to your mother that way. She is your mother show her some respect. And stop speaking on things you have no authority to speak on. Have a seat and let me get your detail to take you back to the hotel."

"Do you deny you love Olivia Dad?"

"Karen! Stop it! I will not have this discussion with you. Sit down and shut your mouth. I mean it Karen."

Mellie had turned her back on this conversation and was sniffing into a hanky. He could offer her no comfort. He did not love her and he wasn't going to start today. He walked to the door and called Tom inside. "Tom call Karen's detail up here. She wishes to return to the hotel. I want her taken there and she is not to leave her room for any reason. Is that clear? Karen get your things together and stand outside with Tom until your detail arrives. Needless to say go to your room and stay there. Don't try me Karen not tonight. When we all are calmer we will talk. Good night!"

As soon as the door closed Mellie lit into him. "I hate your guts too, you son of a bitch. You can't even hide the fact from your own children that you love that whore. And she is right all of this is your fault, Jerry's death, all of it. If you were a proper husband and father instead of spending your life sniffing after Olivia Pope like a dog in heat none of this would have happened. You make me sick."

"Okay Mellie you have made you point. And it doesn't change a damn thing. Jerry is still dead. Neither you nor I will ever win parent of the year. We should have never had children. You don't have a mothering bone in your body and I have let you ruin the lives of these children just to keep the peace. Oh I accept my part in this debacle you are not alone in their ruination. Not at all. I am just as responsible as you. We are two people that should have never married. You and both know that. Whether or not I win re-election we have to put a stop to the misery we are in Mellie. But for now we had a son to bury."

Fitz went to the door and found Tom. "Tom let the doctor know we are ready to see Jerry now. Mellie are you ready to see our son?"

"Yes I am ready."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

They had gone in to see Jerry and it was devastating. His heart was broken because Fitz knew the death of his son laid at his feet. It was killing him. His son lay in a hospital bed and he was cold as ice. His eyes had been closed yet they weren't. Jerry would never grow into man. For the rest of his life this would be the image embedded in Fitz' mind, his son's dead lifeless body unclothed on a hospital bed. His hand shook so badly. He had to hold them one in the other to stop the shaking.

Mellie had taken that one quick look at their son and she had refused to look at him again. She stood there in this windowless room looking at a wall. Two parents consumed by so much grief should have been able to offer the other some comfort but they couldn't. There was a complete disconnect between them. Where was Olivia? He needed her. She had to have known his son was dead. He was hanging on by a thin thread. As he often did he spoke to her directly in his head. "Olivia I need you. Where are you?"

Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III had been an abused child. His entire life had been shaped by the deeds of his evil father. Yet here he was still trying to please the devil. He had become the powerful man in the world thinking that somehow even in death it would appease him. He should have run away with Olivia and never looked back. It had been what he had wanted, a life with her. Just a peaceful life with the woman he loved it was all he had ever wanted. But the lust for power was in his blood and it did not take much to get him off of his real path. Mellie had pulled Liv into her scheming and he of course had done whatever Olivia had asked of him. All he wanted was her, why could she not see that?

Now his son was dead and he could blame no one but himself. He was the blame. Jerry was dead and it was all his fault. God he couldn't bear it. His heart was going to beat right out of his chest and his head was going to explode. This agonizing pain he felt it was going to kill him!

Mellie was into guilt as well because she knew she had denied Jerry love his entire life. All his life she had visited the sins of the father onto her son. She had a dilemma, and in southern terms it was a tizzy. She Mellie Grant had no idea who the father of Jerry was. It was narrowed down to two men after all she was no slut. She was just doing what she had to do. She had started sleeping with him when she was a junior in college. She had been a "paid escort" for almost two years when she met him. He was one of her johns. He wasn't a superfreak but he was kinky. He tipped her well so what the hell, the entire enterprise was about money. She needed it for school and she had to support herself.

Her momma had kicked her out of the house once she realized her stepdaddy was fucking her. She was seventeen years old. Her momma had already sent her real daddy packing years before when she caught them in their marital bed. Well it wasn't her fault. Men were all dogs every last one of them. Once she knew she could get what she wanted from them by using her body it was just what she did. Her momma instead of blaming her no good husbands for not keeping it in their pants she had called her a whore and a slut. Call me what you will momma, you selfish bitch, but I had to survive.

He had asked her if she wanted to break away from the life she was in? He would set her up exclusive to him only. She had only to be available at his beck and call. He would provide her housing, transportation, and pay for all her schooling. All she had to do was be willing to be fucked when he wanted it. It meant she didn't have to go out on any more "dates" with potential killers and real superfreaks. She had seen it all in the almost two years she had been a paid escort. For a thousand dollars, sometimes more, men expected you to do anything they came up with. And the boss, according to her, the client was always right.

But back to the Mellie story. He would rescue her from a life of prostitution if she would become his personal whore for a fee. So she chose just to be a prostitute to one man instead of hundreds. She felt she had made the right choice. She hated him with a passion. She hated all men. She had been moaning and groaning telling them they were the best since she was fourteen years old when in fact she had felt nothing but disgust at their disgusting acts. But she had it all down to a science now. He actually thought she loved it.

Her last year of law school he came to her with a plan he had for his son. She wanted her to marry him so he could monitor him and keep him on the right road. All she had to do was put herself in front of him and convince him to marry her. What was this shit? She had been his whore for six years and now he wanted her to marry his son. She knew the old bastard was crazy but this was insane. She put him off because she was planning to end this shit once she passed the bar. But then he dangled the prize in front of her. His son was going to be the President of the United States of America. Didn't she want to be the most famous woman in the world? Yes in fact she did. So she had signed on to the plan. So she had placed herself in the path of Fitzgerald Grant III. She had convinced him to marry her and she became a political wife. You would have thought that her benefactor would have terminated their contract once she married his son. Well he didn't. He still wanted her at his beck and call available to be fucked on his demand.

After she and Fitz had been married several years she had gone to him and told him that she and Fitz were going to start a family. Until said family was started she was not going to be available. So he left her alone. Except for that one night he forced himself on her, the bastard. Of course she goes upstairs and Fitz insists upon having sex with her too. Men they are all such pigs. With her luck of course she ended up pregnant never to know which one of those bastards was the actual father. Jerry resembled them both. And she really didn't care who the father was after all little Jerry would one day become a man and she truly did loathe the species.

Now Little Jerry was dead never to grow up and she his own mother felt little to nothing. She had thrown all the blame onto Fitz. Shouldn't the sins of the father be attributable to the son? In her eyes it should. Every bad thing that had happened to her she had transferred to him. She turned back to look at him. She knew he blamed himself when really it all laid at the feet of that no good father of his. Big Jerry was a monster and Fitz never had a chance against him. And she had joined with the monster to ruin both their lives. She wasn't a bad person really she wasn't. It was just that she had never ever had anyone but herself.

She went up to Fitz and touched his shoulder. She felt him shudder at her touch. She knew he hated her. She had cultivated that hate it was what she did. "Fitz I am sorry so sorry. It is not your fault. Those things I said they were thoughtless and shameful. Our son is dead we have to bury him and move on. Fitz?"

He turned around. The pain and torment in his eyes startled her. He was as lost as she had ever seen him. The times that Olivia had left him had been some of his worst times and she had gloried in them, she had wanted him torn and hurt. She had wanted him in as much pain as she was in. And for the most part she had succeeded. But the look in his eyes tonight it was far worse than anything she had seen. She took his hand into her own and turned him to face her. "Fitz we have to move on. It is not your fault."

He turned and finally looked at her this woman that was his wife. He despised her, he had tried not to, after all she was the mother of his children. But he had never seen anything from her other than evil, nothing. She had blamed all of this on him moments before and now she was taking it all back. What game was she playing now? It really didn't matter did it? He needed Olivia. He needed to get from this place of death. He had played the game with her for so long and he was tired, so tired.

"You are right Mellie. We failed Jerry as parents and now he is dead. We have to move on from this place. No one can absolve me of the guilt I feel, it is still here in my heart and it should be. I don't know if it will ever be gone but I have to leave this place of death. Let's go." He was holding on to his sanity by just a hair.

"Mellie I am not sure where this is going but I can't lie to you right now. I need to see Olivia. I need her. I've been calling her and I can't reach her. I love her and I need to see her." There was such desperation in his voice, it was pitiful to watch and to see. Mellie shook her head and tried once more to calm him.

"I know you do Fitz. Let's go home. We will find her. I will help you find her. I promise. Let's just go."

They walked from their dead son hand in hand. Their detail was following them closely. There were flash bulbs going off left and right. He was still the President after all. The death of his son didn't change that.

"Mr. President how are you and the First Lady holding up? What happened to your son? You won re-election tonight Mr. President, how does that feel?" Fitz did not even look up he just kept walking from this place to the awaiting Presidential limo. Mellie did not look back either. They would get their answers soon enough. They needed to get with Olivia and decide what they would talk about and what they wouldn't. She was going to have to deal with the President's mistress for now. She could do it, had she not been doing it for years? She got into the car beside her husband. She was still holding his hand. He had begun to squeeze her hand tightly as the press had been questioning them. It was beginning to become uncomfortable. "Fitz, you are hurting me."

He turned to her then his eyes frantic tears were streaming down his face. "I won Mellie and Jerry's death is the price I paid for another four years as President. God why didn't I walk from this mess years ago? Jerry would be alive and I would have Olivia. Where in the hell is she? Olivia, I can't reach her Mellie. For god's sake where is she? Olivia where are you? Talk to me, where are you? She knows I am trying to reach her. What is going on?" He was losing it.

For the love of god Fitz was losing it. This was going to break him. Why in the hell won't Olivia answer her phone and talk to him. I can only do so much. All this other shit is her job. "Fitz calm down. As soon as we reach the White House we will find her okay? Hold on we will find her."

He looked at her still holding on by a thin thread. He knew he was in bad shape because he was willing to take help from Mellie. Anything she did for anyone was done with an extracting a price. He didn't care at this point. He needed Olivia and he wasn't sure he could do it on his own. He would pay the price. He needed Olivia! Finally unable to contain his fear of not being able to find her, he just screamed her name as loud as he could and he started sobbing out loud. "Olivia!"

Okay the man was having a nervous breakdown. She would get him to the White House and call for the therapist. Where in the hell was Olivia? She claims she loves him so much, where in the hell is she? All she knew to do was hold his hand. It did occur to her that they needed to go through the tunnel. No one could see the President like this. Fitzgerald for the love of God he had to snap out of this shit!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

They walked through the tunnel to the White House. Fitz in her opinion was catatonic. He was just staring ahead saying nothing. Fitz had not let go of her hand. He was still holding it too tightly but she was afraid to mention it. The man was obviously having a nervous breakdown. Jerry's death had been the catalyst and now factor in that no one could find Olivia "fucking" Pope. For almost six years now she was like a bitch in heat after Fitz. They were back on again and she just wasn't going to address it anymore. She could not keep him away from her and she was done trying. If she wanted him and apparently she did she could have him. All she had asked for was discretion. Let them get through this re-election phase and maybe she could come up with something to get her out of their lives. He loved her though; she had faced that fact and was living with it. Where in the hell was she?

They were finally in the White House, in the Oval and that seemed to calm him some. He was still just sitting there staring into space. Fitz knew he had split from reality; he was in some type of alternative universe. He was trying to reconnect to his body. Part of his body was still in the hospital standing over Jerry. It was just his upper body and torso though, he had no legs. What was happening to him? And Olivia where was she? He had been calling her desperate to hear her voice. It was a mind thing, there was telepathy between them and usually she responded right back. He needed her. Mellie understood because she was trying to reach her too.

Mellie in the meantime is getting angrier and angrier with Olivia, answer the damn phone! She knows that Jerry is dead. What could she be thinking not to contact Fitz? The man is completely broken. It is just too much for her to deal with. This is the job of the mistress to offer comfort and succor. She didn't do that shit. Olivia Pope wanted to fuck with her husband like a goddamn rabbit but when the hard shit starts she can't be found. Mellie looked at Fitz he was white as a ghost. He was holding on to that chair and his hands and knuckles were blanched white. She walked over to him dreading what she had to say. She could not reach Olivia Pope anywhere.

"Fitz." He didn't move or acknowledge her. "Fitz." Nothing. "Fitz I can't get in touch with her. I have had everyone including Cyrus trying. I can't reach her Fitz."

He jumped up from the chair so suddenly it frightened her. He stumbled to the window and pulled back the shear drape. "Olivia," he screamed like a mad-man over and over again. Finally he jerked the entire thing from its anchor at the top of the window. It crashed down to the floor with a bang. The pole that had anchored the thing actually hit the President right above the eye. A small laceration formed there and blood trickled from it across the President's face. And he Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III was screaming like a madman. The name he screamed again and again was Olivia. The President of the United States of America had broken. His mind had snapped!

Mellie stood back appalled by what she had seen. Fitz had let this break him. Jerry's death and not being able to contact his mistress had caused him to lose his mind. She had figured out about an hour ago if she did not find Olivia things were getting ready to go south.

The Secret Service had come running in with their guns drawn at the sounds from the curtain rod falling. They had run to the President to shield him from bullets through the Oval Office window. They were everywhere. They were throwing questions at her a mile a minute. They were inspecting the President for injuries. They wanted to know what in the hell was going on? The President was still asking for Olivia, make that he was still screaming for Olivia. It was madness.

Mellie had to stop the madness and she had to stop it now. "Tom, she finally screamed, no one has attacked the President. He is distraught over the death of our son. Tom clear the room and let me talk to you please!"

Tom cleared the room. It was just her, Tom, and the President. The President had somehow stumbled onto the Presidential seal and was now in a fetal-like position whimpering "Livvie" over and over again.

"Tom I take it you have not been able to find than bitch and bring her here correct?"

"That is correct Mrs. Grant. It appears that Ms. Pope had dropped off the face of the earth. We realize the depth of the situation and I can assure you that no stone has been unturned. How long has he been like this?"

"Way too long Tom. I thought I could handle this but it is too much. Get the White House psychiatrist down here ASAP! And Tom I don't have to tell you no one on the President's detail is to never mention this incident as anything other than the President experiencing emotional turmoil over the death of our son. If anything other than that surfaces the person or persons responsible for that leak is through in this town. Do you understand what I am saying Tom?

"Of course Mrs. Grant." He got on his phone to make the call. Why had she let it come to this? Mrs. Grant was such an evil woman. No doubt because the President had been calling for the woman everyone knew he loved, Olivia Pope, she had ignored his cries until it had gotten to this point. The man was an absolute mess.

"Mr. President, Fitz, it is all right. I am going to find her." He shook him just a little bit and then said, "Can you hear me Mr. President? I promise I am going to bring her back."

The President straightened just a little and turned in the direction of the voice. "Tom I can't find Liv. I can't get through this without her. You will bring her to me won't you? You know how much I love her don't you Tom. Please I need her!"

"Sir I am working on it. Have I ever let you down? I just need you to calm down a bit sir. Dr. Kendrick is on his way. I need you to talk to him okay? Everything is going to be alright. Trust me sir."

The doctor had already arrived and was talking to Mellie in a sidebar. She wanted Fitzgerald Grant's ass sedated ASAP. She wanted none of this on the record. Everything, every bit of what had gone on prior to the doctor's arrival and everything after that she wanted it erased from the script.

Fitz had lost it and he apparently could not pull it back together. She was going to have to plug this sinking ship herself. How could such a brilliant man have such a gigantic flaw? How does any man become so attached to something that you can't function without it? How do you allow love to come between you and the Presidency of the United States of America? Why in the name of all that is Holy can men not control their penises?


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The President's son was dead. It had broken the President and according to his wife he had lost his mind because of it. His wife was insisting that he; Dr. Sedgwick Vonn Kendrick IV, sedate the President and allow him to grieve. She had lectured him on the Hippocratic Oath. She had told him what she wanted done and how she expected him to do it. He had watched her in fascination wondering who was her private therapist. Surely she had one because he had never seen a more decisive form of Narcisstic Personality Syndrome in his life. He finally had told her he needed to see the patient and assured her that he would do his job.

So he had gone in and found a man that was at a breaking point. He was currently trying to do an evaluation. Well as much of an evaluation as he could from a man that was not none compliant. The physical exam was over and he was trying to see exactly where his patient was mentally. He had been taken aback to see the POTUS in this fragile state. He had been on staff at the White House for years and basically had seen no one. And now here he was with a manic President and a First Lady who quite frankly was crazy as a loon.

She had jumped him as soon as he entered the residence barking demands and insisting that things be done as she directed. She had been like a general in her directives. Of course he had needed little lecturing after all he was physician and he knew his job well. He was a Harvard trained and had interned at John Hopkins. His fellowship study was second to none. He had been in practice for almost twenty-five years. He had been chosen for this position for the credentials lining his walls and the fact that his wife had been a classmate and personal friend of the President and had lobbied for him. But he was one of the best psychiatrists in the business and he knew it. No doubt Fitzgerald Grant was in a bad way and needed his help, something had broken him tonight. He assumed it was the death of his son. But Mrs. Grant she was certifiable, she always had been. He had to insist that she leave the room during his evaluation.

The President was only answering questions that required a yes or no answer. All others he was ignoring. So basically Dr. Kendrick was accomplishing nothing. His wife wanted him shot full of sedatives. That apparently was her answer to this situation; it was not his at the moment.

Out of nowhere the President spoke clearly and without preamble. "Where is Olivia?"

"Olivia who, Mr. President?"

"Olivia Pope. She is my, Tom was going to get her. I need her here. Where in the hell is she? Please Dr. Kendrick I need to see her. Where is Tom, agent Larson? Tom! Tom," he was screaming now!

The agent silently stepped into the room. "I am here Mr. President."

"Have you found her Tom?"

No sir I have not. She seems to have disappeared sir. I am sorry. We are still looking however."

"Olivia answer me dammit. I know you can hear me. Where the hell are you? Olivia! Olivia! Olivia!" He was screaming in a high pitched wail. He was at the window where he would look out for a minute, then he would pace back and forth and then he would scream her name.

Doctor Kendrick had watched it for about fifteen minutes and decided enough was enough. The secret service agent had pulled him aside and told him what he had felt he needed to know because as he pointed out Mrs. Grant had a tenuous relationship with the truth. Olivia Pope the President's former Communications Director was the President's mistress.

Of course he had known the President's son had died and thought that to be the root of the President's problem tonight. It was indeed some of what had fractured his mind, but the fact that Ms. Pope could not be found had apparently decimated it! The agent animated that Ms. Pope was a very instrumental part of the President's life. The affair was long standing and his wife was apparently privy to it. They apparently were in this thing together? The agent disavowed him of that notion. He pointed out that Mrs. Grant knew and allowed it to go on because she was helpless to stop it. The President was in love with the woman he sought.

The President the agent surmised was at a crossroads. He had lost his son to murder, which he believed was solely his fault. Now he couldn't find Olivia Pope and the President thought her lost or perhaps even murdered too. The President was about to break. He was losing his mind. The doctor had seen enough. He reached in his bag for the most powerful antipsychotic he had in his bag. He would start with sedation. The patient must be calmed. He was currently worked into frenzy. His eyes were bulging and his heart was racing at an alarming rate. He had no idea what the President would do next. But he knew what he did not want to happen. He walked up to the President and placed the needle into his thigh and the rectus femoris muscle. He injected 5 mgs Haloperidol and stepped back.

"What the fuck are you doing to me? Tom what the fuck is he doing?" The President was looking at Tom with fright in his eyes. Were they trying to kill him too? "Tom talk to me. What is going on? Tom help me." He was starting to feel dizzy. He knew he had been drugged. He struggled to walk to the Presidential seal where he dropped to his knees. He saw the doctor coming toward him but he did not have the strength to fight him. "Olivia Please! Olivia, he screamed over and over. He fell into a fetal position and started to weep. He felt the needle go into his other leg. He closed his eyes and waited to die. Things were beginning to fade. He closed his eyes and everything went to black. So he was never going to see her again. His last passing thought was of how much he loved her.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

He had risen up to touch her; he needed to touch her so badly. But he couldn't move his hands they were bound. He had forgotten in his sex-hazed trance that she had asked for permission to tie him up. Of course he had said yes, he could deny her nothing. And of course she had allowed him this same perk. They had decided from the get go that they would share everything in their love affair.

They would decide what they wanted their relationship to be. Sexually they had been so in tune with the other. From their first night together on the campaign trail the sex had been mindboggling. It had made every other sexcapade they each had prior to that night grow dim and dismissive. They had learned the true meaning of a sexual experience that night and nothing else in their lives had ever been the same. Sex was about giving and sharing your body with another person because you loved them. You wanted to give them everything. You wanted them to feel excitement and desire so intense that they never ever would want anyone else but you.

He lay back down on the pillow and closed his eyes. He knew what was to come. She would make him beg for mercy because she could. She was so powerful his Livvie. She zapped all of his power with her loving. She left him weak and defenseless really. But he didn't care, she gave as good as she got. And his turn would come. He would see to it. She would be begging for release too!

His dick was like a flagpole. It was straight up and hard as steel. He was squirming. It was all he could do, his legs were bound too. Of course he could have broken free if he had wanted to. But he didn't, he was there for it. He opened his eyes and there she was his ebony goddess on her knees between his legs. Her breasts were two perfect globes with their perfectly colored areolae. Damn he would give his entire fortune to have them in his mouth right now. Looking at her shaved pussy and that seductive arrow that pointed to where he wanted to be unmanned him.

"LIvvie please come to me. Love me," he moaned.

She did. She bent her head and started to suck at the crown. "Shit," he hissed and then he put his body in receiving mode. The pleasure was so intense, so absolutely good he could barely breathe. She was licking him from base to tip. She traced his engorged veins with her tongue. As she sucked at him and allowed him access to the back of her throat, he felt as if he was being swallowed whole. He knew if he were to open his eyes right now she would be watching him as she loved him this way. He opened his eyes to watch her plum tinted lips pull back up to his crown.

"Ahhh Sweet Baby, for the love of god, you feel so good." She pulled up then and came to him and started to kiss him full on the mouth. He could taste himself. They sucked and dueled with tongues for several minutes. After that soulful kissing she extended her breast to his mouth for him to feast on. Next she straddled him and started to rub him slowly and meticulously across her dripping wet vaginal lips. She was going to kill him. "Livvie please let me inside you; I need to be inside you."

"I know you do, open your eyes and watch me babe. Watch me take you in," she whispered. He was watching himself disappear inside her. She started to move. He did too, it was involuntary. "No! Just me, I set the pace, don't move Fitz," she demanded. She took what she wanted and she wanted him all. She eased down on his shaft so very slowly. Inch by precious inch she lowered herself down upon him. When she was filled to the brim with him, she moaned, "Oh my god Fitz, you fill me up so good." Up and down and all around she went. He was so hard. He was so thick and long. He fit so perfectly against her hot spot. Again and again she moved against him, the fiction so sweet and so intense. She was almost there. She looked down to where they were joined and she lost it. "Move Fitz Move," she cried out as her orgasm overtook her.

He was watching her as she came. Her beautiful mocha skin had become flushed and darkened. Her back was arched and her breasts were engorged and her nipples elongated prominently. Her eyes were tightly closed and she called his name over and over. Her walls were clutching him tightly as she bucked against him. It was too much he had to come. He came all the way inside her forcefully and started to move. She always fit him like a velvet glove and when she came she literally milked him. He rocked within her and held on as long as he could. This feeling, this intense biting sexual thing he felt only with her he didn't want it to end. But he felt his sac tighten and he let go. He watched her, his queen in all her glory and he exploded deep within her as he cried out her name.

He was regaining his senses and he wanted to touch her. She usually released his hands as she was about to come. But she hadn't this time, so he called out to her. "Untie me Livvie, I need to hold you." He opened his eyes fully and he didn't see her. Olivia was nowhere in sight. His hands were bound and so were feet. He looked around; he did not recognize this room. It was stark. It was sanitized. What was this place? The more awake he became he realized he must have been dreaming. Olivia was not here with him.

He was remembering things. Jerry was dead. Was he dead too? No he wasn't dead. He was bound to a bed by restraints. He remembered that he had been drugged. He was the President of the USA wasn't he? Had he been kidnapped? What the hell was going on? The only thing he was sure of was that he had a dream and it had involved Olivia. He could feel the proof of the dream within the boxers he wore. They were wet with his ejaculate.

He called out. "What in the hell is going on? Someone talk to me. I demand an audience right this instance. Whoever you are you have misplayed your cards!"

"Mr. President, you mistake your conditions. Calm down. You are no one's captive. Those restraints were placed to help you remain calm. You were in a very bad state when we brought you here. The death of your son incapacitated you. I had to sedate you. You remember me don't you? I am Dr. Kendrick the White House psychiatrist." He had been at John Hopkins doing rounds when he had been advised the President was awakening from the three days of drugs he had been had given in order to rest his brain and hopefully allow his "good sense" to return.

The person monitoring the President was his wife and partner in his psychiatric practice. This was a dicey situation and had to be handled with the utmost care. He and his wife were a team and in order for the privacy of the President not to be compromised, his care was divided up between the two of them. She had advised him that the President's vital signs had been irregular for about a half an hour as he appeared to be going through some type of erotic dream. They had decided that no more drugs were to be administered at this point. It was time to start a different type of therapy with the President.

"I do remember you doctor, you are Andrea's husband. Thank-you for your attendance Dr. Kendrick, but I want my arms and legs freed. There is no need to tie me down like an animal."

"Of course Mr. President, I regret if my course of treatment has offended you. But to be honest with you, Sir you were beside yourself. You were unable to make decisions. The events of Tuesday had broken you Sir. You have been sedated here under my care for the last seventy- two hours. The brain Mr. President is an extraordinary organ, it controls everything about us, and sometimes we over tax it. Our burdens are so heavy we can no longer function. Transmissions are crossed and the brain overloads and shuts down. You were at that place three nights ago."

"Trust me to take care of you Sir. Trust me to help you heal. Trust that you are safe here. And Mr. President every secret you have ever had is safe in this place. My colleague in this endeavor is my wife, who as you know is an outstanding physician in her own right. When I am not here she is. She and I alone monitor you with the Secret Service just beyond those doors. Trust us to help you Sir."

"Thank-You Dr. Kendrick and Andrea for your discretion, it is good to know there are people in this world that still practice integrity in their given professions. I am grateful. Washington changes people from all walks of life. This town, sometimes I wish I had never set foot in it. But then I would not have met Olivia. I digress Doctor. Will you untie me?"

"Yes, of course I will." He released the President.

"You have mentioned secrets; I have to assume then you know of my association with Olivia Pope. Where is she doctor? Why is she not here? I need her to be here. Has Tom not found her?"

There was a great deal of anxiety now in the tone of the President. The doctor glanced at the monitors and every vital sign of the President had become exaggerated. His obsession to find Olivia Pope had not left him. He did not want a return to madness right now. He had to measure his words carefully as to not antagonize his patient. One wrong word would send him right back into darkness. Sedgwick took a deep breath and said a quick prayer. The next words from his mouth would determine whether the President broke from or coped with reality.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Dr. Kendrick had been a practicing psychiatrist for years. This wasn't his first rodeo but it was his most important one. His patient was the President of the United States of America and the man had literally broken down. He had known Fitzgerald Grant for years. He was one of the strongest men he knew in terms of character and stamina. In his awe of the President the doctor had forgotten a true and unimpeachable truth, the President was still just a man.

He had to choose his words carefully so he had hesitated just a moment. "Mr. President I haven't seen Tom this morning which leads me to believe he is still working on the task of finding Miss Pope. She could possibly be as distraught as you Mr. President and though to just get herself out of the mix for a couple of days. Given the nature of your relationship with Miss Pope I am sure it will be only a matter of time before she contacts you. I don't want you to worry about that right now Sir. You have been through so much. I know you are worried for and about her. But for right now could we concentrate on your health and well being? Sir to put it bluntly, you have been out of your mind these last few days. You need to do Fitzgerald Grant today Sir and put everyone else on a back burner."

The President was just staring at him saying nothing. It was not a blank unknowing stare but it was very intense. Finally he said, "Dr. Kendrick you are the mental health profession here and I respect that so I am going to be blunt as well. I need Olivia Pope. It is all very simple. I love her. She is my life and without her my life doesn't mean shit. I am more than willing to work with you but I need Olivia by my side where she belongs."

The President jumped up and began to pace back and forth. He was passing his hand back and forth through his hair as well. He knew the doctor was playing him trying to keep him calm, well it was not working. "How many days have I been out of my mind doctor? Exactly how long have I been shackled to that bed? Don't lie to me doctor, I need to know what the hell is going on. I need to see Tom soon rather than later," he said forcefully.

Lying wasn't going to work with the President so Dr. Kendrick decided to shoot from the hip. He took a deep breath and said, "Mr. President you had a breakdown almost a week ago. At first you were catatonic and unresponsive. Then you went through a manic faze. It was then that I sedated you and have been monitoring you every since. As for Olivia Pope she seems to disappeared from the face of the earth. Your agents have been searching everywhere and they can't find her. The country is not at all surprised that you have dropped out of sight for a while. The Vice-President has been carrying on in your absence. It is not the information I am sure you wanted to hear, but I assure you it is the truth."

The President had paled when the doctor spoke of Olivia. It was obvious that his breathing and heart rate had increased. He had closed his eyes and just stood there. Suddenly he spoke startling the doctor.

"Olivia speak to me. Where the hell are you? Don't do this. Don't leave me again. Olivia talk to me! I can't go through this shit without you please, Livvie please," he pleaded his eyes welled with tears.

The doctor was stunned. The President seemed to be actually talking to someone. He was seriously engaged in the conversation because obviously he had just received an answer. The President was upset by whatever he was hearing. You could see the disbelief on his face.

"What do you mean you had to leave? This is not the best thing for us. No! No! No! This is not your fault. You are going away where? Livvie I need you here with me. Please I am begging you, don't do this. Please come to me and we will talk this out! Liv? Liv? Oliviaaaaa, he screamed!

"Mr. President calm down. Have a seat." The doctor had decided to intervene. He was watching a bizarre series of events. The President was again slipping into madness.

The President turned to face the doctor and his face mirrored profound sorrow. "She has left me yet again. I don't know if I can bear it. Why would she do this? We are soul mates. She belongs with me. Doctor I am not crazy. Olivia Pope and I share telepathy. We can talk to each other without uttering a word. That is how close we really are. That wasn't a one way conversation I assure you. I just connected with her. I have no idea where she is though so how in the hell do I convince her she is wrong?" His question was rhetorical and meaningless. He had no way at all to physically reach her.

"Doctor whether you believe me or not I will not take any more mind altering medication. It is why I could not reach her until now. It is why my life has gone down the tubes. So don't come at me with it, I refuse to be drugged again."

The doctor stood there watching the most powerful man in the world struggle with the fact he couldn't find his woman. He knew the saying "men don't cry" was meaningless farce, real men often shed tears. He had seen it for years in his practice. Crying cleanses the soul, if you have one. And he believed the President had one, a downright rarity with politicians.

"Mr. President I believe you. I believe every word you have said. You are devastated right now and you are on the edge. But I can help you through this. I can understand why you wish to remain drug-free since as you say, right now your telepathy is your only lifeline to Miss Pope. I can help you without drugs if I must. But you must trust me with your issues Mr. President. You must not let them overwhelm you as they did a week ago. I have the capacity to help you back to your own reality but you must trust me."

Finally the President spoke again, "I am not a foolish man doctor I can imagine where I was, because I remember that day up to a certain point and I know I lost it. As long as I know that someone is looking for her. I will be alright. I love her doctor with all my heart. I need her back here with me. But I will accept your help. I have to I have a country to run."

The President extended his hand and Dr. Kendrick took it. He was in this on the President's terms for the moment, but that would change. He was a psychiatrist after all.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Olivia had to get away from all that had happened. It was all too much. Fitz had been about to lose the election and it was all her fault. She hadn't been paying attention. She wasn't doing her job. Being back with Fitz had clouded her mind. She loved him so much she had missed something. Because of her Jerry was dead. Her mother had murdered him. Fitz had said it wasn't her fault; he didn't blame her for her momma's black soul. But in her heart of hearts she knew he had to.

Mellie, the bane of her existence, was on her mind too. She had confided to Olivia bout her rape by Fitz' father Big Jerry. She had promptly told Fitz. He needed to know. She left out the part that Jerry might be his brother instead of his son. Mellie asked her not to tell Fitz, but they had promised no more lies between. This was too big she had to tell him. She told him about the rape and he had promptly gone to Mellie, as she knew he would.

Even though she had done the right thing she harbored an unreasonable feeling about it. She didn't want Fitz to comfort Mellie or see her through it. This unusual development would put yet another wedge between them. Mellie would use the guilt Fitz felt to manipulate him for the next decade! Would she never be free of that woman? Somehow she felt she never would be.

So she was running. She was going to give Fitz this time to what, heal his wife, heal himself? She wasn't sure what the hell she was doing. But she knew she didn't want to see hate in Fitz' eyes where love used to be. She couldn't bear it. It would literally kill her!

After over a week under the care of a psychiatrist Fitz had gone back to the Oval Office. Both doctor Kendricks had advised against it. But Fitz had known he had to go back or he would truly lose his mind again. Tom had said they had everyone at their disposal looking for Olivia, but so far they had turned up empty-handed. Where in the hell was she? If someone had harmed a hair on her head they would pay. She had to be somewhere being held against her will. She had said she had to leave. But he didn't buy it. She would never leave him and Jerry had just been murdered. She wouldn't. She didn't often admit it, but he knew she loved him too. He ran his hand through his hair frustrated as hell. He was the most powerful man on the planet and he couldn't find his woman? What the hell was going on?

Beyond all the shit that was going on he had to get back on track. Sally and her chief of staff were due any minute, where was Cyrus? He had to get back to being the President. He could get through this somehow. But it wasn't going to be easy. His head was filled with all types of scenarios, none of them pleasant. "Breathe Fitzgerald, you are going to find her," he muttered to himself. He shook his head and began again reading the prep Sally had send ahead of their meeting.

Meanwhile Olivia Pope had reached her destination and she had settled in. It was an island paradise just as her father had said. She had everything at her disposal; a maid, cook, housekeeper, and grounds person. She didn't have to lift a finger. Clothing in her size, the foods she liked to eat and that entire white sunny beach were at her disposal. She was in paradise. Then why were her eyes rimmed red from crying herself to sleep every night? Why did she feel like her entire world was over? Why was she on a deserted island instead of with the man she loved? He needed her. Jerry was dead. She should never have left him, but she had. And she put the barrier up in her head so he couldn't contact her anymore. She couldn't take the pleas he was making. It had decimated her listening to him begging her to come back. So here she was miserable on an island with a man that mostly made her skin crawl.

Jake. What was she thinking to allow him to come with her? He was a distraction from her problems but she didn't need him along right now. He was needy and he wanted her. The problem was she didn't want him in any form or fashion. She had told him so and yet he came anyway. She wondered how much her father had to do with him being here. She had called her father and said she needed that plane out of DC he was always offering her. She had to get away from the upheaval she brought to Fitzgerald Grant's life. The love that they had for each other was destroying too many lives. So she had run. It was cowardly but she had run. And then there had been Jake showing up out of the blue, asking to run with her. And she had let him.

Jake wasn't a happy camper. It had been over a week. They slept in the same bungalow, she in the master suite and he was in the guest room. They ate their meals together. They swam together. They walked the beach together. But she had told him upfront she wasn't sleeping with him. It wasn't what he wanted or was expecting. He wanted back in. She left the President hadn't she? This was his chance. Sure they had started out all wrong but he wanted to right all of that. He just had to convince her he was sincere. Fitzgerald Grant was a married man. But he Jake Ballard was free, free to love her!


End file.
